I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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