STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
