I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
