Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
