I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just google imaged poop.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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