Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
