did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
