y did u give ur computer a hand job?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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