i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
