You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
