I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
