just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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