We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
two words: eviction party
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
