Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm too high and old for this...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
