she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
