I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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