How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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