All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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