I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
