just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
