Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
