I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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