I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
