stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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