I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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