my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
