I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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