More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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