He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize