we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
