you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize