Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
