you guys were way drunker than both of me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have feelings that need drinking.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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