It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
