She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found the puke drawer
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
