Please, let me fuck your mom
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
