Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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