He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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