The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
