'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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