I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
