Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
