she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
