I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
