I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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