Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
