never play flip cup with pint glasses
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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