I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
