Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
