Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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