i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
