Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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