First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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