A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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