If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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