I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
