I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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