And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
