I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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