so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
