after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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