i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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