Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
