ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
