I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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