I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
